A Masshole's Guide to Visiting Boston

A Masshole's Guide to Visiting Boston

Christianna - Staff Writer - Boston Attitude - April 27, 2016     

Boston Waterfront

Everybody knows Boston is a big city, but, in theory, it’s a small town. As Boston natives, we love our city, and despite our differences, we’ll love each other before we love any outsider visiting the Holy Land (this includes you as well, western Massachusetts residents). Here are some tips about visiting our beloved city, which we may or may not be incredibly overprotective of….


Leave Your Team Jerseys At Home

Listen, we respect your ability to stick with your team as much as the next guy, but we don’t appreciate you flaunting it around here. Of course we can do it, because we’re intimidating and people won’t mess with us, but we’ve earned that privilege! You show up to Boston with a Miami Heat, a Montreal Canadians, or a NY Jets jersey, you’re asking to be taunted … If you wear a Yankees jersey, so help me God, you’re asking to get slapped. If you come to ANY game, and you’re cheering for another team, you might as well wear a trash bag.

Havard Yard Photo by Achim Prill/iStock / Getty Images


Don’t Make Fun Of Our Accent

Do not, by ANY means, ask me if I pahk my cah in the Havahd Yahd. No. I don’t. Why? BECAUSE YOU GET TICKETS WHEN YOU DO THAT. Also, don’t ask us to say car keys, and make the joke about khaki pants. Come on people. It’s not another language. And your jokes quite honestly suck.


Don’t Drive.

Do all of us Massholes a favor (yes, we wear that title with pride), leave your cars at home. If you don’t, we’ll share a Massachusetts Salute as we pass you, and you’ll leave complaining about how “terrible the drivers in Massachusetts are”. NEWSFLASH PEOPLE. Save it. We’re not bad drivers. We’re EFFICIENT drivers. If you don’t like it… Take the T. 

Boston Runs on Dunkin' Photo by Tim Boyle/Getty Images News / Getty Images

Don’t Ask Us Where The Nearest Starbucks is.

Until death do us part, we are forever loyal to Dunkin Donuts.


If you can’t take the heat get out of the kitchen.

If you can’t take the heat, the ice, the sleet, the snow, the rain, and the wind all in the same day, go back to the fiery kitchen. Stay out of Boston.